Far from PERFECT

A group of us headed to Perfect North for some skiing on Saturday. Skiing is one of those sports that regardless of how "in shape" you believe you are, it quickly reminds you how "out of shape" you truly are =). The day was great, and I enjoyed every minute of it. There was one mishap though. Matt's brother John got hurt on the last run of the night and ended up in the hospital. He tore the ligaments in his collar bone and will have to have surgery in a couple of weeks =(.

I want to take this time to thank everyone who has encouraged me (from my prior post) and offered prayers on my behalf. I've had a couple of wonderful revelations through this time of testing and wanted to share them with you. For whatever reason, I have discovered that I suffer with primarily obsessional OCD. I believe I have had OCD in some form most of my life and really thought I was going crazy at different points in my journey (and still do to some degree). Isn't crazy the new normal =)??? I've read a lot of great books lately though that have helped me overcome my fears, worries, doubts, concerns, etc. I'm far from feeling"cured", but here are a couple of things that may help any of you out there who are struggling with mental/emotional pains:

(1) Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.

(2) Never let yesterday fill up today.

(3) Don't tell God how big your storm is, tell your storm how big your God is.

(4) You only get better by accepting where you are right now.

(5) An untested, uninvested faith is no faith at all. Living by faith is a risk. Accepting our responsibility to see and do the Father's will requires complete trust in Jesus who is with us to show us the way and provide the power to follow. Complete trust requires humility--the fear of losing control is pride which is simply the refusal to be loved and to love. The Lord never humiliates us--he's much more effective than that. He allows us to think we're running things in our lives until our control breaks down and we see how INeffective we really are.

(6) My feelings at times are such poor reflections of the truth.

(7) Being in "the pit": Satan continues his self-employment as the accuser because the job is easy and rewarding. He knows that even when we're innocent of any reason for being in a pit, we are well aware that we are far from innocent in other things. He plays mind games with our consciences so that for the life of us, we can't seem to distinguish between those areas where we are guilty and those were we are innocent.

(8) God's hands are never tied--when it looks impossible and I don't see a way out, I will stay positive and hopeful.

(9) Loving your life is being willing to make changes. It's not what happens to you that matters most, it's what happens in you.

(10) Sometimes the very things we fight against, the very things we think are trying to pull us down, are actually part of God's plan to launch us into a new season. We may not like it, and it may not be comfortable (but it causes us to use our faith) and God loves us to much to just leave us alone. God has a purpose in everything.

*I think all these revelations go quite well with skiing: pain, humility, pits, confidence, trust =). I will be happy to discuss what I've learned about OCD with any of you out there that feel you may be suffering with it. I am NO expert by any means but find a lot of comfort understanding why I feel the way I feel. NOW, I just need to trust in God's power to help me overcome it. I've also found that God has gifted some incredibly talented people to compose songs. I've been filling my head with Chris Rice, Casting Crowns, Fernando Ortega and many others for encouragement. The BIBLE has obviously been a source of strength. Our church has committed to reading the entire Bible this year together. I want Bible study to mean more to me than something "I need to do" but something that "I want to do". Thanks for listening to me rant =). Happy New Year to ALL!